


Under The Surface

by altins



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, M/M, implied jjbek, nsfw implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 10:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20580983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altins/pseuds/altins
Summary: Otabek is being selfish, and Yuri is fed up with it.(Yuri and Otabek get super close and both have feelings for each other but Otabek is scared to do anything about it bc of his reputation/image)





	Under The Surface

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tootsonnewts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootsonnewts/gifts).

> This took me an incredibly long time to write :(   
I got the idea and started writing this in March of 2017, and just now finished it in September of 2019.  
There might be some inconsistencies in the writing also with the dates and timeline of this work.  
I started this idea as a gift for Ash @tootsonnewts except I took too long and she's no longer in fandom :( I hope she gets this!  
Title comes from Oceans by Seafret.

They had a routine. Everybody has a routine. If you were wondering about their very specific routine, it’s sending memes to each other at lunch and video chatting later on in the night. It has been a few years since the explosive Welcome to the Madness skate that got a mixed reaction from just about everyone. And if you ask Yuri about it, he’ll turn pink and punch you square in the jaw. 

It’s not just the fact that he was completely embarrassing and edgy, it’s also the fact that he might have made out with Otabek for like two hours afterwards and came in his pants like a fool. Otabek didn’t mind though. They had come to a mutual agreement that what they were doing wasn’t what they needed at the time. That they should just be friends and maybe try something more in the future. 

Big mistake, because Otabek left Yuri with lips burning and body buzzing. Yuri likes Otabek, Otabek likes Yuri, and no one wants to make the first move. Yuri doesn’t know if he can take it anymore because Otabek sends him pictures of cute cats with a short ‘You.’ or ‘Us.’ and it makes his heart melt. 

He knows he has it bad because sometimes he lies awake at night and thinks about what it would be like if Otabek was there. How warm his skin is and how it would be a dream to just curl up right next to him and sleep until he wakes up naturally. Otabek thinks about it too but he would never tell Yuri that. 

Yuri wasn’t going to say anything but he has a big fat mouth, and Otabek had a rough day and was in a sour mood. All Yuri was doing was trying to cheer him up.

“Hey Beks..” he trails trying not to think about what happened after the madness. 

“Yura.” Otabek responds still not looking up from his notebook. 

“Um… remember Barcelona?”

“If I recall it is a city in Spain.” 

“Stop being a smartass, remember what we did…?” 

Otabek finally looks up and Yuri flushes pink. “Yeah, welcome to the madness?” He asks.

“No what happened after that.” Yuri tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. 

“Yeah, I remember.” Otabek blushes ever so slightly.

“Do you remember what we agreed on?” 

“No.” That is a big fat lie.

“Oh… well we said that maybe one day we could try to be more than.. ya know, uh… friends.” Yuri barely stutters out. He regrets even bringing it up.

“Did we now?” Otabek raises an eyebrow knowing damn well that they did.

“And um, I was wondering if maybe we could try that now?” He hides his face, he’s such a stupid idiot. 

Otabek stares at Yuri through the screen. Is this what he wants? Yes. Is he panicking? For sure. 

“I don’t know Yuri..” Yuri’s heart drops to his stomach. 

“...W-..” he stumbles at first, taking a deep breath. “Why not?”

“Remember when we first became friends? When everyone got super mad about it? How I got called a pedophile and that I was disgusting for befriending you? Remember the divide between fans and how it negatively affected my image?” 

Yuri can’t fucking believe it.

“Imagine if we started dating, it’d be that times twenty.” Yuri can feel the tears stinging at the back of his eyes. What a fucking asshole. 

“Yeah it’s stupid anyways…. look um, it’s getting late here, I’m gonna go to bed.” Otabek can hear the pain in his voice, see that he is holding back tears. He’s an idiot, he wants to take it all back. 

“Wait Yuri—“ 

“Goodnight Otabek.” He hangs up. 

Yuri would like to say that he didn’t cry. That he didn’t end up calling Yuuri Katsuki at one in the morning. He’d like to say that Yuuri didn’t show up to his apartment with cookie dough and a sad face. And that he didn’t sob into his shoulder like a kid who scraped their knee. He would like to say that none of it happened, but Yuri is not a liar.

Yuri wipes at his eyes with the heels of his palms. Yuuri gets the cookies out of the oven, Yuri doesn’t know why they didn’t just eat the dough by itself but Yuuri warned of salmonella and how he’d prefer if they didn’t get sick. 

“Plus, there’s nothing like a warm chocolate chip cookie right out of the oven.” Yuuri says as he sits next to Yuri on the couch with a plate of cookies.

“You didn’t… tell Vik did you?” Yuri takes the box of tissues from his coffee table and wipes his eyes with a tissue.

“No. If I did, he would be on a flight to Kazakhstan right now. But he is cuddling with the dog, sound asleep.” Yuuri says taking a bite out of a cookie, chocolate smeared on his lip. Yuri takes a cookie and nibbles at it. Potya jumps up and rubs her face against Yuuri’s arm.

“Traitor.” Yuri mutters, getting a loud meow in response as she bobbles over into his lap. He pets her and leans into Yuuri. They end up watching Jersey Shore best fights on YouTube at 3 am on a Tuesday night.

A phone is ringing. Oh god what time is it. Yuri rubs his eyes and nuzzles close into the lump that is Yuuri. The ringing stopped. 

“Shit sorry babe. No I thought I would be back by now…” Yuuri sleepily answers. “No I’m fine, Yuri got… sick. So I came over and took care of him for a bit... ended up staying longer than expected. Mhm… yeah, I’ll be home soon. Mhm, yeah, I love you too. Bye.” He rubs his eyes.

“What time is it?” 

“6:30 am.” He puts on his glasses and yawns.

“I don’t wanna.”

“Thanks to me you don’t gotta. Vitya said to stay home and get some rest. You should wash your face, get an ice pack, take some Advil. I’ll stop by around lunchtime and we can actually talk, okay?” 

Yuri’s eyes hurt. They’re probably red and his hair is probably sticking up all over the place. His nose is stuffed and his back hurts from sleeping on the couch and on top of Yuuri. But he is so fucking thankful for Yuuri Katsuki.

“What would I do without you?” He wonders aloud. 

“Probably be an asshole.” Yuuri says getting up and stretching. “Go to bed, I’ll call you when I’m on my way.” He says slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys. He gives Yuri a sad smile as he leaves.

After he’s taken a shower and settled in Yuri turns his phone back on and it looks like Otabek has tried to do some damage control. Yuri leaves him on read and mutes the conversation because reputation his ass.

As the days go by, Yuri continues to ignore Otabek. Viktor sits down with him and talks with him about what his vision for the season is so he can get started on composition and talk to his tailor about costumes. 

“What do you want to portray this season?” Viktor asks as he starts brainstorming in his notebook. 

“I want to be genuine this year. Not a prima ballerina, not a fierce tiger, or Viktor’s prodigy. I want to be Yuri Plisetsky.” He sighs and sips his coffee.

“I can get behind that. What parts of you do you want to be shown? How do you want to divide it up between the short and the long? Do you have any music you want specifically?” Viktor rambles off.

Yuri and Viktor end up spending the entire day planning out the season. Musical pieces, jump composition, presentation, costume sketches. They didn’t mean to get so far or spend so long but what they had was good so they kept rolling with it. 

There has not been a day when Otabek didn’t text or call and there has not been a day when Yuri has answered. Yuri thought that Otabek was genuine, he thought that he didn’t care about his image or reputation like he lets on. Otabek is a giant nerd, but the public knows him as the stoic bad boy who drives a motorcycle and is a DJ. Yuri thought that Otabek wouldn’t care what people thought of the two of them together. Yuri thought wrong.

Some days when Yuri gets the notification he feels bad. Otabek is trying to talk to him. Otabek might actually care. No Yuri isn’t crying, yes he is shut up don’t mention it. He missed Otabek, he still has feelings for Otabek. Viktor told him the best way to get over it is to ignore him. But what does he know? He flew across the world to be with a man that ignored him for months then cried and drank all night when he forgot about him. 

Viktor and Yuuri invited Yuri to go with them to Japan early for the NHK Trophy. That wasn’t something that he could turn down, he misses his friends in Hasetsu. As they board the train to head to Hasetsu station, Otabek calls. He’s supposed to be competing this week. Yuri turns his phone on silent and lets it ring. 

He gets a notification that he left a voicemail and not even a minute later Otabek calls him again. Yuri just turns off his phone because he really doesn’t want to cry on the two hour train ride in front of Viktor. Yuuri looks at him and smiles sadly, flashing Yuri his phone screen, where Otabek is calling him now, except when he turns his phone around he answers. 

Viktor watches as he gets up a walks to the other side of the empty car speaking in hushed tones. Yuri can feel the tears burning behind his eyes. Why did Yuuri accept that call? Why was Otabek even calling him in the first place? So what Yuri isn’t available so he goes to the next Yuuri? He feels sick.

By the time Yuuri comes back they are almost at the station and Viktor looks up at him. Yuri hates when they do this, having silent conversations about him when he’s right there. Yuuri sits next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulder.

“You should have a bath in the hot spring when we get there, I’ll tell mama to make you some katsudon.” He smiles warmly. 

Stupid Yuuri. Always so nice it makes it hard to be upset with him. Viktor slides closer to him and nudges his shoulder.

“Maybe I can convince Mari to get out the photo albums and we can look at baby Yuuri!” He smiles his stupid heart shaped smile. 

“She won’t do it we have a pact.” Yuuri teases and Vik pouts. They banter back and forth until they reach the station. Minako and Yuuko are waiting for them when they get off the train. Yuri can’t help but to squeeze really tight when Yuuko hugs him, she squeezes him just as tightly. 

“I heard…” she trails and Yuri nods.   
-

The days leading up to the NHK Trophy Yuri relaxes. He soaks in the hot spring, eats as much of mama Katsuki’s food as his heart desires, he strolls around the small port town greeting all who greet him. And most importantly, he’s kept his phone off.

As they get on the train to head off to the official hotel, Yuri wishes he could stay in Hasetsu. It’s not that he doesn’t want to compete, there’s nothing he loves more than competing. He loves the feeling he gets deep down before he steps on the ice, he can feel the buzzing in his bones after he’s pushed himself to do his absolute best. The ringing in his ears as the crowd cheers him on. That’s not why he wants to stay in Hasetsu.

He wants to stay because Otabek isn’t in Hasetsu. He isn’t staying that the inn, actively looking for Yuri, in Hasetsu he won’t be skating in the same group as Yuri, he won’t train or work out with him. Most importantly, he won’t be there for Yuri to cry about. 

Yuri tries not to think about it much as the train pulls into the station and watches Viktor hail a cab. Yuri tunes out Viktor’s pre comp pep talk, and the dumb and stupid baby talk between the lovers on either side of him. No he doesn’t feel like he is going to throw up. He wonders if he would feel better or worse if Yakov was there. He knows Yakov would never ask, but he also knows it might be awkward going to him in the middle of the night a snotty slobbering crying mess, but who could truly know, he’s dealt with Viktor. 

Yuri would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss his best friend. Yuri would be lying if he told himself that he didn’t still have very strong affections for Otabek. Yuri hates lying, so instead of telling himself that those things aren’t true; he just ignores them. He isn’t very good at it though. 

As the cab pulls into the hotel valet, Yuri sees a familiar undercut as he gets out of the car, although for the first time, not the one he is dreading. 

“Hey Jean.” he mumbles in passing. JJ turns to smile and wave as he opens the door for his wife. Yuri slides into the other door and goes to check in. He stops in his tracks and turns to Yuuri, who gives him a sympathetic look and treks to the front desk. Yuri turns away just in time.

“Oh hey Beks!” JJ says going in for his dude bro hand shake. 

“What’s up man?” Otabek asks and hugs JJ back. Yuri’s breath catches in his throat. He hasn’t heard his voice in months. 

“I’m doing great man, are you feeling any better? I mean after you know…” JJ trails and Yuri’s stomach churns. Otabek told JJ. Before he can literally throw up at his feet, Viktor clears his throat and nods his head to the elevators. Yuri picks up his bag and walks straight through JJ and Otabek, checking his shoulder. 

“Hey! Watch it asshole.” Yuri spits as he walks away. He never said he wasn’t petty. He feels Otabek’s stony gaze as he steps into the elevator with Vik and Yuuri. He presses the door close button before anyone else can get on. “I personally requested that we are put on a different floor than all of the other skaters so you don’t have to deal with, you know…” Viktor trails off. 

Never in his life did he think he would be as close as he is with Viktor than he is now. He is his mentor, and Yuri sees him as a big brother. Viktor has opened up to Yuri about the struggles he has faced when he was on the top of the world on the outside but rock bottom behind closed doors. Yuri understood.

Viktor hands Yuri his key and informs him that his and Yuuri’s room is across the hall. He goes into his room and drops his luggage in the corner. He looks at the view outside his window, and for the first time in a long time, he is nervous.

Nerves. Everyone gets them, but it was never something that bothered him before skating. The last time he felt nervous before touching the ice was when he and Otabek did Welcome to the Madness. Those were good nerves, the feeling he has in his gut now is unpleasant. 

He can’t exactly pin why he is nervous. Is he showing too much of himself to the world this year by being genuine, and personal with his programs? Is he nervous of backlash? What will his fans think of the abrupt change in style? His absence on social media? Absence from Otabek? Otabek.

Otabek Altin. Golden boy of Kazakhstan, “bad boy with a good heart”, “The Hero of Kazakhstan”. Altin, Gold. The last time Yuri faced Otabek in a qualifying event, Otabek won gold, Yuri won silver. Otabek with a perfect reputation. 

Yuri tries to pinpoint why exactly Otabek is making him nervous. Is Yuri scared to lose to him? Is Yuri scared that Otabek will see the true intentions of Yuri’s programs? Is he scared to face the man who ripped his heart out of his chest? Or maybe that Otabek will ignore him, like he has been ignoring him. 

He sits down on the bed. He gets invited to dinner, he doesn’t go, he is not hungry. He watches the sun turn the sky to hues of orange and purple before it turns a deep shade of blue. He watches the bustling city of Tokyo turn to night life. He doesn’t move, he can’t bring himself to. 

He sits in the dark. He looks over and sees how late it is but he isn’t tired. Tomorrow is a day of training anyways. He picks up his phone and pulls up his text messages. He scrolls down to Otabeks name. 253 unread messages. Last message sent one month ago. 3:42 am. 

I’m sorry.  
~  
He doesn’t know when he fell asleep all he knows is that he did. His alarm is going off and it’s loud. He turns it off and takes a piping hot shower. He washes away the mugginess of travel and tries to ignore the feeling of impending doom lurking in his stomach. 

He sits in his towel for as long as he can get away with before putting on some practice gear and grabbing his skate bag. His hair is still wet when he leaves his hotel room. It’s unlike him to leave his hair like that especially going into a cold area. Maybe he should just chop it all off like Viktor. 

He wouldn’t be able to bring himself to do it. Otabek liked his long hair. Otabek’s opinion didn’t matter anymore. That’s what Yuri wants to think but he knows that in the end that’s not the truth. 

He meets with Viktor and Yuuri in the lobby. They leave for practice before any of their other competitors. He watches the couple walk in front of him. He used to hate the affection shared between Viktor and Yuuri, but now he can admire it. It’s something he craves. He wants a lover. He wants one person, someone he can’t have.

Yuri is still upset that Otabek told JJ of all people about their situation. Though Yuri has moved past the loathing he had for the self proclaimed king of skating, he still isn’t close to him, he would call them acquaintances, but he wouldn’t invite him to his house. So why is he invited to the failures of his love life?

He knows that Otabek and JJ used to be good friends in Canada until they had a falling out resulting in Otabek going back to Kazakhstan. Yuri knows that they had some sort of “fling” that they had hidden because of obvious reasons. Yuri had no idea that they reconnected and are close enough to talk about Otabek’s problems. 

Is that why Otabek turned Yuri away? Because he still has feelings for JJ? Or ‘Jean’, Otabek always calls him by his actual name. JJ is married, he has a wife. According to Yuuri they are planning on starting a family soon. Why would Otabek want to get into that mess?

They walk into the back doors of the rink. They stay together. Viktor having the honor of coaching two competitors for the first time ever, though no longer competing against his student. It must be hard for him to watch. Yuri knows he misses the thrill, but a bad knee and an an official retirement was bound to happen soon, Viktor was nearing thirty-three. 

He seems happy though as he instructs both of them on what to do. Stretch. Endurance. Core. As he helps Yuuri stretch, his mind wanders to Otabek is doing now. To Yuri’s knowledge he still doesn’t have a coach. He does everything himself. Yuri can’t imagine what it is like, some days he thinks he can’t handle it and he has two coaches and a choreographer. 

Would he be waking up and going on his morning jog? Has he changed his routine? Did he get breakfast? Is he headed to the gym for training or going to the rink? This information is useless for Yuri to know and he wants to stop thinking about it. 

After their time in the gym, Viktor allows a 2 hour break to get lunch and relax. Yuri decides it's time to split away from the couple and he takes the elevator to street level. He’s by himself all the way until the elevator stops at the practice rink level. 

The door opens and standing all sweaty in his new team jacket and duffle bag over his shoulder is none other than Otabek fucking Altin. Yuri feels the back of his eyes sting as Otabek steps on the elevator and stands next to him. He’s not going to cry like a baby. He promised himself that before he left Russia. He lifts his chin up and avoids eye contact. 

“Hello, Yura.” Otabek greeted, using the nickname only he is, never mind, was allowed to use.

“My name is Yuri.” He bites back. 

“Sorry, hello Yuri.” Otabek offers with a chuckle. It wasn’t funny. Yuri doesn’t say anything. 

“Can we talk? It doesn’t have to be now, but before we leave Tokyo?” Otabek turns to him. Yuri remains silent.

The elevator dings and Yuri gets out of the elevator. It wasn’t even his floor. He leaves Otabek behind with the stranger getting on the elevator and opted for the stairs. 

But instead of going anywhere he say in the stairwell and started crying. That’s right. Like a fucking baby. Sometimes you break promises. Like Otabek broke his promise to Yuri. Like Otabek broke Yuri’s heart.

Of course Yuri wants to talk to Otabek, he misses him. He yearns for him. But Otabek doesn’t want the same thing that Yuri wants. 

Yuri should have stayed with Viktor and Yuuri.  
~  
3:42 am. I’m sorry. 

Yuri stares at the time on the hotel room alarm clock and thinks about the last text from Otabek. He woke up and can’t go back to sleep. He wants to look at all 253 unread messages from Otabek, he wants to listen to the 20 voicemails that went unopened. He wants to lay next to him, and play with his hair. Yuri needs to go to bed, but he gets up. 

He picks up his phone and types a number he thought he never would. He presses the call button and only then realizes it’s almost 4 am. 

The phone rings once before it’s picked up almost immediately. 

“Yuri Plisetsky, just the person I would never thought I would get a call from, especially at this hour.” A sleepy voice comes through the receiver. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the time. I’ll hang up and let you—“ 

“No! You had to of called for a reason?” 

“JJ, I need to talk to you. It’s about Otabek.”  
~  
He meets JJ in a seating area at the end of Yuri’s floor. 

“It must be important if it’s 4 am.” JJ said as he sat down. 

“I know about you and Otabek, back in Canada.” He blurted. He felt himself turn red, that’s definitely not what he wanted to lead with.

“I figured you would, but is that what you needed to talk about?” JJ yawned.

“No… I just— you’re the only person I know who had any sort of… romantic relationship with him.” Yuri flushes even deeper.

“You know he’s a private person. He needed it a secret and so did I. He’s not out publicly and it’s understandable.” JJ tells him.

“Listen I don’t know everything. All I know is that both of you are hurting. Just talk to each other already.” 

“I’m.. scared of getting rejected again.” Yuri admits.

“How do you know you’ll be rejected if you don’t talk to him?” JJ says as he stands up. “I am going back to bed.” 

“Sorry to bother you…” Yuri says as he walks away. 

How do you know you’ll be rejected if you don’t talk to him.  
~

Yuri thinks all morning about what JJ said to him. He also thinks about what Otabek said to Yuri when he brought up being in a relationship. My reputation. Otabek isn’t even out, Yuri isn’t even out. Why would they just get together and immediately come out? What does having a private relationship have to do with his reputation?

Maybe Yuri did get rejected. And maybe he did overreact. But it’s too late to change that now. Yuri finally brings himself to open up Otabek’s messages. 

Most of them consist of Otabek saying he’s sorry, and that they need to talk. Occasionally Otabek texted him like nothing happened and sent him things that reminded him of Yuri. 

I got a cat, he reminds me of you.  
Sama named him ginger, how unfitting.  
Img.27282 

The cat had a grumpy face. He’s beautiful though, jet black except for a white spot around his pink nose. Yuri smiles at the image. He misses this. 

Messages read today at 9:49 am.  
~

Yuri knows that Otabek saw that he read his texts. Yuri is almost tempted to text him about his cat. The obligatory competitors dinner the night before competition is now a thing in men’s singles. Thanks to Barcelona. 

Yuri sits between Viktor and Leo. Across from him JJ sits next to Isabella and Otabek is in his other side. Otabek keeps staring at Yuri. Yuri keeps catching his gaze. 

He knows that Viktor is glaring at Otabek while Yuuri orders the table only the best Japanese food. He knows Otabek isn’t made uncomfortable by it or else he would’ve stopped staring by now. 

Yuri doesn’t know what is going to happen tonight but he hopes that it won’t affect tomorrow.

He talks to Leo about Neko Atsume, and yes they are the only two people who still have that app in 2019. The table has divided into separate conversations. Otabek is talking to Yuuri in a small quiet conversation. Yuri tries to listen as Leo looks through the names of his cats, but he can't see to pick it up. 

As the night goes on people leave the table in ones and pairs. When he leaves Viktor, Yuuri, Otabek and Leo are still at the table. No one has said anything about the not so sudden change in Yuri and Otabek’s relationship. No one made any comments about the distance, the looks, and the lack of conversation between the pair. If they had opinions, and thoughts they didn’t voice them and Yuri likes to think its because they have self preservation. 

Yuri goes back to his hotel room, and does his pre competition routine. He takes a bath, he soaks in warm water to relax his muscles. He braids his hair, he does a face mask. When he gets out of the bath he rubs lotion into his skin. He pulls on his lucky pj pants, yes he has those don’t judge him. He settles in bed, pulling the stuffed bear Otabek gifted him close to his chest. Yes that happened, yes he still brings it with him, he’s grown attached. 

There is a knock on his door, probably just Viktor or Yuuri. He gets up and answers it but is shocked by who is standing in front of him. Otabek looks at him, wide-eyed and discheveld. “Otabek-” Yuri starts but can’t finish because the next thing he knows Otabek’s lips came crashing against his. He stops thinking. 

It takes him 3 seconds to register what is happening. He remembers how much he liked kissing Otabek, so he wraps his arms around his shoulders and kisses back. They stand embraced like that for some time. When Yuri pulls away for breath he whispers Otabek’s name. He’s confused. This isn’t what he was expecting and doesn’t know how he feels. 

Otabek steps back from Yuri, doesn’t say a word, turns around and walks away. Okay but like what the fuck? Yuri’s hand goes up to his lips where Otabek’s were. He presses his fingers down on his buzzing lips, his other hand slides down his hip where Otabek’s hand just was, the other wrapped around his back. 

He backs up into his hotel room and shuts the door. Okay but seriously what the fuck. What was the point of that, what does it mean? Otabek kissed him. Otabek must like him? Why didn’t he say anything, why didn't he stay to talk? Yuri thinks about it all night until he falls asleep to the idea that they could work out.

~  
The morning passes in a blur. Press. Training. More press. Yuri ensures that he is one that everyone will want to watch. He goes to the dressing room he shares with Yuuri and Viktor. Viktor helps him do his hair. It falls around his waist in waves, a small braid around the crow of his head to keep the hair out of his face. He is skating first. As he puts his costume on he admires it in the mirror. It's a beautiful shear and flowy fabric. Just what he wanted. He slips his team jacket over his costume and walks out with Viktor. 

Yuri doesn’t hear whatever Viktor is saying to him. He is nervous again. He passes Otabek in the hallway and stops. 

“You better not take your eyes off of me Altin.” He says and doesn’t wait for a response before he walks away. He goes to the holding area and waits for his name to be called. From there it's a blur again, he gets ushered to the rink. Otabek skates in the same group as him, they do their practice. Everyone exists the rink except Yuri. He does a few laps as they announce him. The cheers are almost deafening. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest. Breathe Yurochka.

He sets himself at the center mark and his music starts playing. 

He can feel Otabek’s eyes on him. Otabek knows this song, he knows this program is about him. 

I want you  
Yeah I want you  
And nothing comes close  
To the way that I need you  
I wish I can feel your skin  
And I want you  
From somewhere within

He doesn’t think. Muscle memory. Quad flip. Step sequence. Quad loop triple axel. Ina Bauer, so on and so forth. He does his last spin combination and hears his music stop. His heart is pounding, ears ringing. He feels sick. 

He does his bows and goes to get scored. New record. Highest score. It stays that way for the rest of the day. 

He knows he needs to talk to Otabek, he just doesn’t know what to say.   
~  
At the end of the program, no one has topped Yuri’s score and he remains first going into the free program. Yuri didn’t watch Otabek’s skate, he didn’t watch anyone else’s skate. 

He turned his phone off and left. He’s been sitting in his hotel room for hours now, trying to figure out what to say to Otabek. There’s a knock on the door, hopefully it’s him. 

It’s Viktor. 

“Good job today, Yuri.” He smiles. “I know you left early but did you watch Otabek?” He asked.

“No, why?” 

“He skated to the same music.” Yuri’s eyebrows shot straight up. “It’s trending!” Viktor adds.

“What?!” Yuri dives for his phone and turns it back on. 

67 text messages  
5 missed calls  
478k notifications from Twitter

He looks back up at Viktor. “You should watch it, it was quite emotional. I think he cried?” Yuri’s heart sinks. He should’ve stayed. He should’ve given Otabek the same attention that Otabek gave him. Otabek was probably looking for him. 

Yuri is a lot of things. And an idiot is one of them. 

Viktor leaves him to himself and he watches Otabek’s routine. Otabek misses him. Otabek showed the world he missed Yuri. Otabek did cry. He is in second place behind Yuri. 

He needs to see him. He needs to apologize. 

He picks up his phone he dials Otabek’s number. Otabek picks up immediately. 

“Please come..” is all Yuri manages.

“I’m on my way.” 

The line goes silent.

Not even two minutes pass and there’s a knock on his door. He immediately opens the door and looks at Otabek. 

“I watched you.” Otabek tells him. His voice is hoarse, he looks disheveled, like he’s been crying. Yuri grabs his shirt and pulls him close to him. 

It feels right, his arms around Otabek. The warmth coming from his body, the smell of his cologne. It feels like home. A piece of Yuri that’s been missing for months is finally out in place.

“I saw you.” Yuri said, backing up into the room, letting the door close. Otabek follows him into the room, not taking his eyes off of Yuri. 

“You missed me too.” 

“You kissed me last night.” Yuri says to him.

“I’m gonna kiss you now too.” He says leaning closer to him.

Yuri knows that they need to talk. He knows that they need to figure their shit out. But Yuri is more than happy to kiss Otabek for as long as he will let him. 

He lays down on the bed and Otabek lays next to him. He looks up at the ceiling and lets out a deep breath. 

“Why did you say all that bullshit when I asked you out?” Yuri asks.

“I panicked. The truth is I wasn’t able to stop thinking about being with you. When you said that to me I was thinking about Barcelona. I panicked and I blurted out some bullshit excuse.”

Otabek was thinking about being with him, kissing him. Barcelona, 2015. Tokyo, 2019. SO much has changed in the past four years. The world has changed. Skating has changed. Their friends and the people surrounding them. They have changed. They’ve grown closer, then apart. Yuri wonders if they can pick up where they left off. Or do they have to play catch up?

What has changed while they were apart? Are they willing to go straight into a romantic relationship or do they have to rebuild the foundations of their friendship first?

“You’re being quiet… it’s unlike you.” Otabek says.

“It...it’s a new thing.” Yuri tells him. And it truly is. Yuri has learned the importance of silence, and that silence doesn’t always to be filled with conversation. 

Silence is good. You can think.

It dawned on Yuri that Otabek might be awaiting a response. 

“I don’t know what to say, yet there is so much we need to talk about.” Yuri turns and faces him. 

“Say the first thing that comes to your mind.” Otabek tells him, and he does.

“Do you want to be in a relationship with me?”

“Yes.”

“Does that mean we are in a relationship now?”

“Yes.”

~  
They had spent a decent portion of the night talking about what has been going on in the past months, and how they need to work on their communication.

They decided to get dinner from a street vendor. Thank fuck Yuri knows enough Japanese to order a meal for them. He knows people are going to see them together, and talk about it on the internet. They’re relationship is already being speculated about because of the short programs earlier. 

Yuri isn’t worried about the internet. He is worried about his friends. He hasn’t told anyone yet. He hasn’t told Viktor and Yuri. His only two friends outside of Otabek. He needs to work on making friends. 

They walk with their food, trying to find a place to stop and eat. They talk about Otabek’s band. He knew that Otabek was getting away from being a DJ and making his own music with his siblings.

“I can’t wait to hear it.” Yuri smiles at Otabek. 

He looks at Otabek in the bustling streets of Tokyo. He watches him smile and laugh. And he can’t help but to think about how lucky he is to have Otabek in his life. How things were able to pick back up right where they left off. 

That night Yuri goes to bed confident that the point he is trying to make with his programs this year will get across. 

Yuri is in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
